Monday, October 24, 2011
Falling Leaves
This Indian Summer has not made me happy. It's closing beautiful day has left me sad and resentful.
I cling to my little one, clutching her closer lest she slip away, and I bark sharply at the teens, even though they are behaving themselves and getting good grades.
I start thinking about heading south where winter is banished. My God, am I getting old?
I never understood old people heading south. What is it about cold weather that is incompatible with being old?
Then I'm reminded of my old drinking buddy from Germany, Horst. I met him at the Stube, the local drinking hole. One evening he confided in me that he was an alcoholic, and then he told me he was in the SS in World War 2. He showed me the tattoo.
I only bring this up because he was old, and after a night of drinking, he went home, slipped on the icy stone steps to the doorway of the house he and his sister lived in, cracked his head and died. His sister found him the next morning, stiff and stuck to the stairs. I drove right past the grim scene dark and early the next morning on my way to work, oblivious to my friend's demise.
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6 comments:
Rest in peace, Horst. That's one way to run from the cold, I suppose. I doubt heading South would have made him any warmer. I cannot imagine the pain and guilt he carried.
This story is what Gracie calls "happy-sad". Horst is in a better place. He most likely arrived the moment his head made contact with the stone. Interesting to think the cold stair became his pillow as the Lord comforted him upon his arrival in Heaven.
I don't like autumn; it depresses me, and I still have way too many working years ahead of me to even think about heading anywhere other than where my job is.
Horst died over ten years ago. He was a good but tragic man. Of course everyone in town knew his history. He hadn't committed any war crimes, he was just a young man fighting for his country. nonetheless, it burdened him. War leaves no participants untouched.
Looks Like I have some Reading to Catch up on. I haven't been by here in awhile.
Some People dislike the Cold because it also comes with Over Cast and thus, leads to a Seasonal Depression, caused by Lack of Light and Probably also Lack of Vitamin D. I discovered that I'm Low on this Vitamin and have been Taking Supplements.
Many Older People have Arthritis and as you can see, the Ice is also Dangerous to them.
I hadn't looked in here for a while and was saddened to find this post this morning. I hate for anyone I like and respect to be unhappy. I've been wracking my brain half the day trying to think of just the right thing to say, and inspiration has yet to strike.
If I told you how much I have grown to admire you, you might be embarrassed. I haven't encountered very many people who are as well-rounded, as capable in many different areas, as kind, and as genuinely humble as you appear to be, Kurt.
The mood you describe is typically "autumnal," and probably has a much to do with an impending mid-life crisis" as anything else.
I gather you are "fortyish," is that right? It seems very young to me at this point, but I remember having similar attacks of melancholy at that age. We start to realize we are mortal and that we may not be able to achieve a whole lot more than we already have. A concern about aging and facing illness and death enters our consciousness as never before. So, we start too look back, because looking forward suddenly isn't all that pleasant anymore.
I've been living alone for several years, and sometimes it gets to me, so I write -- probably too much.
I have found writing "Placemat Poetry" in strict classical forms while eating in restaurants helps stave off loneliness and passes the time agreeably. I lifted myself out of a dark mood not long ago when I came up with the following. I hope you may find some meaning and enjoyment in it.
Breakfast at the Old Auto Dealership
Rapture at radiance shining through plate glass ––
Earlier an automobile showroom ––
Gives power to dispel the thoughts of Doom
Overwhelming that so rarely pass.
Realizing petty things consume
Needlessly our very precious time ––
Edging timidly from the sublime ––
Hurtling inevitably towards the Tomb.
The inventive use of common space, like rhyme,
Enlivens as the sun glows in the hedges
Framing the old showroom with green ledges.
Elegant umbrellas red and lime ––
Romantic looking –– ensconced on the pavement ––
Transcend the nagging feelings of bereavement.
~ FreeThinke
Thank you for the poetry!
It's not a depression, just a dislike of seeing another summer come to an end.
My mother died suddenly in November 1987. My mother and I were very close -- beyond the usual closeness that a mother and daughter enjoy. Maybe because I am an only. Maybe because my mother was 36 when I was born and, therefore, had sensible skills for parenting. She knew which battles to choose with me.
Although Mom was in the hospital on that November 7 so many years ago, I didn't have a clue that she would be dying less than 12 hours later. I was outside raking leaves most of the day on November 7.
Falling leaves still make me sad.
In fact, it is only in the last year or two that watching the leaves dress in their foliage didn't make me sad.
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